Squinched up and not effective: Thursday, May 4

Piles of meetings, starting with a sideways meeting with my shrink; then the agenda briefing for the Pedestrian Committee (of which I’m co-chair). The beginning: Daniel is a good friend, but it was obvious I was rubbing him the wrong way. I squeezed in an hour of shiatsu with Alison, but I was so tight, so anxious.

I do not get stressed about trips, about presentations, about deliverables due. I can get up I guess you’d call it; but I don’t get stressed. This day I was stressed: my chest felt tight; and I don’t think Alison could do much with me. Perhaps, for once, I wanted the pain.

Then a meeting on some work we’d like to do for the Port of Long Beach. I had maps & notes, but I think I was largely irrelevant. I felt, again, like I was a bit out of control.

The day went down hill. I had my swimming stuff, but the anxiety was huge. As I pushed paper around, I had images of the water closing over my head. Not a good mood to go swimming in!

I overheard a conversation that we were going to have to leave Friday at 4 p.m. (3 hours or so before my usual leaving time) so the guys could come in, finish our carpet, and put in our dividers. I decided to work at home Friday, so Mona volunteered to come downtown in the van to pick me up. She showed up, right on time, at 7:15 p.m. I had three bags and my bike and its panniers all packed, and they all made it into the van. Mona was dressed for our Tafelmusik concert that night, but suggested we go home instead, so we did.

I carefully unpacked, and went to bed early, reading about sport (the current Sports Illustrated) rather than doing them!